Not that riding an annoying (and stupid) bike isn't weird*, but some of these people have managed to purchase cars, onto which they affix a bumper sticker (just one of many, many others) with this moving slogan.
If you need to "Keep" the city "Weird," is it right to assume that weird* is under attack? The War on Weird? This is the same reasoning that evangelists use to unify their followers. To be righteous you must be persecuted. If you aren't being persecuted, you sure as shit need to create a system of experience by which you can convincingly cultivate a persecution complex. Then, by pushing an agenda that seeks to institutionalize acceptance of your core philosophy, you can actually provoke a public conflict that reinforces the belief that your beliefs are being persecuted. That's how "Happy Holidays" becomes a political statement. That's also how people with a stockpile of guns and ammo are the most likely to have the Feds come down on them, which is exactly why they have some many guns. And yeah, it's pretty cool when thought experiments have real world applications.Anyway, I began wondering who and what is trying to eradicate weirdness* from Portland. I have to say I'm at a loss. If anything, weird seems to be subsidized.
There is some regional pride at work: Austin Texas also has a "Keep Austin Weird" campaign and website; but that's obviously bullshit. How fucking hard is it to be weird in Texas? In Portland we put bacon and coco-puffs on our doughnuts, and shape them like wieners, then deliver them by pedi-cab in compost-ready containers that you can use to line your urban chicken coop!
So its clear, Portland's weirds* need an enemy. We'll have to rule out Reality, for now, because reality acts like the Fear-Monster in the Cops episode of the X-Files: it cant hurt you if you don't believe in it.
So what do they believe? What, if attacked, would provoke a existential threat to all those sworn to Keep it Weird? How about Portland's regional exceptionalism? How about the idea that there's anything weird about this place to begin with?
When I heard about the upcoming IFC production "Portlandia," I thought maybe we had our boogey-man. The show, which will apparently be a composite of characters developed by Fred Amrisen and Carrie Br[rrrrr]ownstein in their video-film shorts. Hopefully the show can present such a variety of cliched Portland weirds* that the city comes off as, well, achingly normal. (It may also provide an opportunity to play "90s Indie-Figure Bingo" at home. I'll explain this game in a future post.)
You know what I mean: When you realize that everyone acts the way you would expect them to act, especially when that is weirdly, the novelty wears off. You can see weirdness* as the sad and desperate cry for attention that it is. It's motivated by the same mental processes that cause some people to perma-tan and purchase Gucci accessories, and others to ride a unicycle while juggling. It's an attempt to fit in, even within a cohort of oddballs, and wanting to fit in is very much normal. Present this fact to an adolescent in an identity crisis and they're likely to lash-out and be heart-broken at the same time. Thankfully, in the 21st century we're all adolescents, and we all react the same way to any external challenge to our self-image.
In the end Portlandia will probably be funny for about as long as Flight of the Conchords was (.9 seasons), but I can't wait for the parsing and rationalizing and belly-aching that the show is sure to provoke locally: We aren't all hipsters! We're artsy! We're sustainable! Go back to California! Terry Horman did it! Keep Portland Weird!
Worst.
*when the weird turn pro, the weird wear suits. Or something like that.
